Going Nowhere
by Random Guise
Summary: Two people stuck in the dark on the surface of the moon waiting for rescue. Based on the Robert Heinlein short story "Gentleman, Be Seated!". Another Story with a Hole mystery. I don't own these characters and I've never been to the moon.


**A/N: This takes place during the Robert Heinlein short story "Gentlemen, Be Seated!" Three people are trapped in a transport tube section under construction on the face of the moon after an accident of some type. One person goes for help in the only pressure suit available while the other two take turns sitting on a break in a flex joint to plug it and prevent further loss of oxygen. It is then simply a matter of having to pass the time in the dark until a rescue party hopefully arrives.**

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Going Nowhere

"Checkmate, Jack. Care for another game?"

"No Fatso, I'll concede mental chess to you. Although it did help pass some time. How much longer do you think we're going to be stuck in this tube anyway?"

"Hard to say, it depends on how extensive the damage is. Main Dome people don't know we're out here possibly, and it's been over an hour according to my chronometer. They're probably working their way out to us section by section while they check for other leaks. I'm actually surprised no one's here yet but we just have to wait it out a bit more; we can't tell for sure how much of the moon's surface was affected by whatever hit us. It sure wasn't a quake, though."

"I guess that makes it my turn to come up with something to keep us entertained, sitting in the dark; Knowles can't contribute now that he's gone for help. You beat me in chess, how are you at mysteries?"

"You mean mysteries like 'Why did I ever leave Earth?' or the normal kind?"

"Normal I guess, Fatso. I'll run you through a Story with a Hole."

"Really Jack? Don't you think we have enough trouble with holes as it is?"

"No pun intended. The hole is that most of the story is gone. I give you a starting statement and then you have to figure out what happened by asking me questions that I answer with a yes or no. If you ask a question I can't answer with those two I tell you to ask again. The game is over when you figure out the important details of what happened. Interested?"

"Well, I'm going nowhere at the moment and neither are you so I'm game. Start me off."

"Okay, drum roll…a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender points a gun at him, he thanks the bartender and leaves. What happened, Fatso?"

"Okay, let me see…Was the bartender mad or angry at him?"

"No he wasn't."

"Did the customer get his drink?"

"No he didn't."

"Why did the cus…no wait, that's not a valid question. Could the customer pay for the drink?"

"Yes. He wasn't trying to get a free drink if that's what you mean."

"Did this take place here on the moon?"

"No, but it really doesn't matter where the bar was."

"Oh I don't know, I'm pretty particular which bars I go into. Hmmm, did the customer intend to go into the bar?"

"Yes, he certainly did."

"Was the gun loaded?"

"Yes."

"Was the bartender scared?"

"No. You know how bartenders are, they're level-headed types."

"Was the customer scared?"

"Yes; wouldn't you be?"

"I suppose I would. Was the gun part of a drink special? Like 'Give me a shot of whiskey' joke?"

"Ho ho ha ha…no, it wasn't. Hadn't thought of that angle before."

"Did the customer expect to have a gun pulled on him?"

"No, he didn't."

"Did the bartender plan to pull the gun on the customer?"

"Be more specific, Fatso."

"Did the bartender plan on pulling the gun on the customer when he walked in to the bar?"

"No."

"Were they both happy when the customer left?"

"Yes."

"So let's see…a man walks in to a bar on purpose and orders a drink from the bartender. Quite to the customer's surprise and unplanned by the bartender, he pulls a gun on the customer. The customer gets scared and leaves without getting his drink, and both people are happy. Is that right so far?"

"Yes, so far. You've still got one point left to make everything fit together."

"Something changed or the man wouldn't be happy. Was there anyone else important in the story?"

"No. It's the classic 'A man walks in to a bar' setup."

"Okay, was the customer testing or inspecting the bartender?"

"No."

"Was the customer happy when he came into the bar?"

"No."

"Okay Jack, something made him scared, then happy. Was he in the same physical condition when he left as when he entered?"

"No, he wasn't."

"Did getting scared improve his condition?"

"Yes it did."

"I don't know how that could be. Did he expect the drink to change his condition?"

"Yes."

"Was the drink alcoholic?"

"No."

"Was it medicine?"

"No."

"Was is milk or a soft drink?"

"That's two questions put together, but no to both."

"What's left then…was it water?"

"Yes."

"Was he thirsty?"

"No."

"Why would he want water if he wasn't thirsty? But after getting scared he didn't need…wait…did the customer have the hiccups?"

"YES!"

"So a man has hiccups, walks into a bar and orders a glass of water to cure them. The bartender pulls out a gun suddenly to scare him, and the hiccups go away. The customer doesn't need the water anymore and leaves happy. Is that it?"

'That's it Fatso! Congratulations on solving just one of life's millions of mysteries. Like 'Why did I ever leave Earth' except not so profound."

"Great. Now what do we do? Up for a rematch in chess, Jack?"

"No, with it getting colder I'm having a harder time visualizing the board in my head. Got any more good stories from your other construction jobs, Fatso?"

"Well, there was the time I met a real princess…"

The End

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 **A/N: At the end of the original story everybody makes it out okay, with just some posterior frostbite for the two seated gentlemen. But I thought this would be a good setting for a dialogue-only story since no action occurs; the characters can't even pace while they speak!**


End file.
